Thursday, May 31, 2012

How I Celebrated 18.

lwbb2

I don't know about the rest of you but I could not wait until I turned 18.

lwbb1

I put beads in my mouth for 20 minutes and did not swallow them or choke. I ran with scissors and was puncture free. I crossed a busy street without someone holding my hand - although I had to pry my brother off of me he was hanging on to my leg and screaming that we would all be killed .... he was older and still wore his crash helmut when he went outside - even on dates ....

I left my crusts on the plate and still had hair on my chest. I didn't drink my milk and my hair was still curly and I did not even check my underwear before I went out for the night. I crossed my eyes for ages and they didn't even stay that way. I ate raw potatoes and did not get worms.

It was pretty wild let me tell you. I didn't care. I was young and foolish and testing all the limits. I had to know the truth even if the truth was not pretty .... and it wasn't ...

lwbb3

It's a scary world when you realize the people who raised you are completely off their gourds and spent their life making up a bunch of senseless inane rules to indoctrinate you - but skipped right over "sex." At least I got right on the sex part and started some serious study to make up for the big hole in my education.

If you think I am a mess you should see my brother .... a grown man still driving around in a crash helmut with an abnormal fear of beads and scissors is not pretty.

I thought he would catch on when he didn't have a single chest hair despite eating all those bread crusts ...


SKIN:  [Hush] Daisy Skin - Blue
HAIR:  tram  B426 hair / shell&creamyellow
EYES:  IKON Horizon Eyes v2 - Blue
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
EARRINGS:  Exodi Bailey's Pearls
OUTFIT:  Tiar
BOOTS:  BAX Prestige Boots Black Leather
POSES:  Frozen Pantry
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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A "Ta-Da" Kind Of Day.

ltr 2

Today is a "ta-da" kind of day for me. You know, when you look at yourself in the mirror, squint a certain way, hide part of you behind the door, and dim the lights and you think ..... "hmmm ... I am on FIRE!!!"

ltr

So I showed up in the kitchen in my bathrobe and "ta-da'd" my sparkle pony jammies. Hubby didn't say much but I could tell, if he didn't have to get to the golf course ... he would not have been able to resist.

When you are in the "ta-da" zone you dance instead of walking ... your body just becomes a conduit ... so I danced the orange juice to the glass and ignored the spillage. Besides hubby knows how to work a mean sponge and for some reason he was avoiding eye contact. I was too busy dancing to care, life is too short to make an Exxon Valdez situation over breakfast.

I was really feeling the vibe so I threw on my cape. I barely had time to chase hubby's car down the street as he headed to golf but I am sure he saw me in the rear view mirror leaping and blowing kisses. If he did miss it, I am sure the neighbours will tell him ... and the school bus driver...and all the school kids ... and the construction crew ....

Never one to miss an opportunity of a gathered crowd all standing around with their mouths open -clearly in awe at my splendiferousness, I stood in the middle of the street, exhilirated with life and my fine-ness. I swung my cape over my shoulder and put my hands on my hips .....

ltr 3

...and sparkled ....


SKIN:  Hush Lily Vanilla
HAIR:  Son!a Poise2 updo Soil
EYES:  ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Gaelic Silver Pale
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
EARRINGS:  [alaMood] Nightlife Diamond/Ruby Ensemble
GOWN:  Son!a Renai dress Red
POSES:  Epiphany
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Monday, May 28, 2012

The Prairie Couch.

bac5

For years I set up my little couch out in the cow pasture and counseled the gophers and the wheat. Later came the cows and an occasional Hutterite that would wander past ... and of course my brother who would beg for me to help him but sadly I had to turn him down on account of it would not be professional for me to counsel family and besides I had already told my family there was no hope for him and they should go straight to electrical shock therapy. I was prepared to bend the rules if they went that route ... I wanted to be the one to turn the electricity on ....

bac2

So it was not much of a stretch for me to start setting up a little couch in the parking lot of the church. I figured those folks could really use the help. The cool thing is that I could leave the couch there during the week on account of no-one stole anything on the prairies. When you have all that wheat to capture your attention there is just not much room for anything else. Wheat is the manna of the farmer mind ... you live eat and breathe wheat ... you dream wheat ... it is lucky any of them could take time off to find a wife ...seriously ...

Leaving the couch in the church parking lot came in handy on Friday Night dates when we needed somewhere to go to make out. It was still therapy ... just another kind ... where the therapist gets very involved with the patient. I invented "hug therapy" long before any of those doctor shmoctors came up with it let me tell you ....

Later I moved the couch to my school and I was responsible for saving a whole generation of farmers, opening their minds to other possibilities besides wheat.

bac3

And that was pretty much about the time that farmers started growing canola and began to steal from one another ....

SKIN:  .::WoW Skins::. Tessa Tan  Makeup 02
HAIR:  [Shag] - Breathe Me - Light Shades
EYES:  IKON Horizon Eyes v2 - Blue
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
JEWELLERY:  (Kunglers Extra) Nightingale  - Golden
DRESS:  MichaMi: Leather Dress in Nude
SHOES:  Leverocci - Lavender Platform Pumps - Nude


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Saturday, May 26, 2012

A Good Suit.

ots2

I tried to make a good winter suit once.

ots1



I know, I know ... it doesn't surprise any of you that a big fashionista like me has a background in fashion and design. I was president of the 4-H Clothing Club I will have you know AND I make a mean ironing mitt.  My aprons ... famous around the world ...which is where I believe they ended up, once cut up into squares and used to make quilts by the women at the church.

I might start with a pattern but believe me, by the time I am done, the outfit looks NOTHING like what the picture  .... I am that creative and free spirited and yes, basically can not read ....

I sewed the suit when I was first married and I thought that it would be much cheaper to sew my own clothes so I purchased a pattern for $20.00 and material for $250.00 and all the little extras for another $100.00 - not to mention the cost of my sewing machine - $750.00 - and drove home past the mall laughing my head off at the silly women shopping there wasting their money at the $99.99 suit sale.

I spent weeks sewing ....

In the end, knowing how much my hubby was still dazed and confused with his love for me, I made a few adjustments, wrapped it up and gave it to him ... a suit ... with ummm ... shorts ... kinda ... perfect for those winter days when your legs need to breathe a little.

He actually put it on and tried to smile ...

ots4


Then I drove to the mall and bought a suit .... the sale was over ... I paid $160.00 ...


SKIN:  *JeSyLiLO*:::GroupGiftSkin:::*May
HAIR:  Alli & Ali  Raissa Hair Blackberry
EYES:  IKON Horizon Eyes v2 - Blue
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
EARRINGS:  Donna Flora MOON set
SUIT AND SHOES:  Gabriel  ::GB:: Risa Tweed Suit Black
POSES:  Cheerno Motion

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Friday, May 25, 2012

Mirror's Enigma Socordia for Skin Showcase

Mirror's Enigma Socordia 1

Ydreece Forster offers us Socordia for the Upcoming Skin Showcase running May 25th - June 10th. Along with 3 skin tones to choose from you have the choice of 3 different make-up packs for each. Above we have the Base pack.

Mirror's Enigma Socordia 2

The Sloth pack is another example available and contains, as do all the packs, a variety of choices in additional make-ups - eyeshadows and lipstick, teeth, and nails.

Mirror's Enigma Socordia 3

The Smokey pack above is another example. All packs come with shape options and eyes and the choices for hairbase and cleavage.


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Thursday, May 24, 2012

Pats on the Back.

glitg1

I find it confusing, as a parent, this whole thing about making sure that you praise your children and give them the "pats on the back" that they deserve.

glitg2

I did a lot of "patting" with my kids.

glitg3

I can't help it if the "pats" were a little low (I am not a doctor for crying out freaking loud) and perhaps a little too enthusiastic.

I would just like someone to define when a "pat" transforms into a "whack" because once that hand is propelling forward, I lose all sense of speed ....


SKIN:  .::WoW Skins::. Dolcenera Medium natural
HAIR:  W/O hair ter blac
EYES:  IKON Horizon Eyes v2 - Blue
LASHES:  CHAISUKI  Lashes 25
FLOWER:  p.c. Frida Rose
JEWELLERY:  U&R  Traumeri set gold wine pearls drops
DRESS:  LMD June MESH Dress Citrus
GLOVES:  LI - White lace gloves short
SHOES:  BM Audrey Pumps - Blues & Greens
POSES:  Clemmm Poses
LOCATION:  Calas Galadhon

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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Ribbons On The Tree.

bbl2

I loved the whole idea of tying ribbons on trees for someone to come home.

bbl1

Oh not for the reasons you might think ... not because I thought that kind of love was so romantic or because of the heart felt love families had for one another. I tried for years to get my brother to go away. I tied the ribbons on before he left trying to get him to feel foolish for being there still when we were already ribboning for him ... kind of like waving bon voyage on the docks when he is still in the bathroom brushing his teeth ... but he was never good on picking up on social cues like that.

bbl3

So I ended up using the ribbon on him, tying him up and shipping him overseas. Then I started a campaign to ban tree ribboning. No sense wasting good ribbon.

SKIN: .::WoW Skins::. Tessa DeepTan
HAIR: ^;^CaTwA^;^ Carolyne HairStyle/Bloggers
EYES: ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Clover Green Pale
LASHES: *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Pure*
JEWELLERY: Mood [alaMood] Nightlife Diamond Ensemble *Plat* [wear]
GOWN: Paris Metro Couture: My Love is Sky Blue (T)*
SHOES: Magic S.Olbers "Bow" black
PS POSES: BeBo

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Monday, May 21, 2012

Tea Cups.

ialt2

It used to be when you got married you were given all these tea cups because evidently these were once considered an essential weapon in the new brides aresenal. Much more than a toaster or an iron judging I only got 3 toasters and 2 irons compared to 9 tea cups.

ialt1

Everyone "oohs" and "aahs" and holds them up and looks at the label 'Bone china," "fine china," ... I guess I should be grateful no-one actually bit on the edge just to check although I think maybe my great great aunt did ... I swear there are denture marks there on the one set with the forget-me-nots.

The thing is I was never sure what the heck I was supposed to do with all those cups ... I arranged them and rearranged them and waited for the ladies to come and do tea and then I realized I hated tea ... and hated the ladies who did tea. Then I had kids and I was too tired to even pretend I cared about tea so I tried to pawn the tea cups ... and then garage sale them and the funny thing is ... with all the moves, floods, fires, 2 year old tantrums, 13 year old wigouts, train wrecks, and visits from my mother-in-law where everything else I hold dear was broken, lost and trampled ... I still have 9 perfectly intact useless tea cups.

I can't leave them to my kids because they have no idea what they are even for .... and they kind of have their hearts set on money.

ialt3

I clearly lack the tea cup gene that would allow me to understand and appreciate the significance of these beauties so I have sprinkled tea cups around my yard. I figure the tea cups, the cockroaches and my great aunt will all survive the holocaust and she can explain it to a more evolved species that will rescue her some day ....

SKIN: [Hush] Grace Skin Smokey Cream
HAIR: Alice Project - Kiera - Brown
EYES: ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Mint Light
LASHES: *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
COMPLETE OUTFIT: .::WoW Designs::. Denim Summer set 2
SHOES: Magic S.Olbers "Bow" black PS
POSES: !Bang

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Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Etiquette of Snuggling.

ssb2


It is definitely getting colder here at night as we swing towards our winter but it is kind of a nice change ....

ssb1

Instead of sleeping naked and swearing at your partner if they touch you on account of the heat is so stifling,  you actually pull the covers over you and want to snuggle.

Lots of people are confused regarding the rules of snuggling ...  the most important being that the woman is in charge of snuggling. While you should never ever try to snuggle a woman who does not want to be snuggled, a man must be available at all times. There is no protection under the law for him for forced snuggling. The snuggle-ee is allowed to pretzel the snuggle-er in the interest of keeping warm. All other activity thereafter is optional and by mutual agreement only, but because it is always a possibility the snuggle-er should quit his complaining and begin the snuggling process.

ssb4



I have to print this out for my hubby on account of everyone knows if something appears on the internet ... it must be the truth.


SKIN:  *JeSyLiLO*:::HappyValentine:::Gift
EYESHADOW:  *JeSyLiLO*
HAIR: Elikatira  [e] Locked - Midnight Blacks
EYES:  ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Clover Green Pale
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
JEWELLERY:  {*Aglaia*} Flaunt Set Boxed
DRESS:  :: PM :: Audrey Dress Disco Style [MESH]
SHOES:  Aleida Kampala
POSES:  BeBo

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Friday, May 18, 2012

Needlepoint.

dww1

I never quite got the point of Needlepoint. For much of my childhood I though needles were weapons...

dww2

... effective things to push into your older and annoying brother. Needles were easily hid, yet lethal weapons, one could get away with carrying for one's own self defence. Unlike today, back in those days, they frowned on children carry guns.

Of course, being a Fashionista, I learned that needles had a significant connection to fashion and it was not long before I was using them to pin earrings onto my Barbies.

Then a woman graduates to Needlepoint ... there are stages. They can be summed up as follows:
"I am a wife now, I want to do some lovely things for our home."
"I am a mother and I want to make some lovely things for my wonderful child."
"I am poor, I want to do home made Christmas presents this year."
"My parents are gone, I want to cross stich a family tree."
"I am old, I want something to do with my hands."

I kinda failed at the steps though on account of once the kids became teenagers I resorted back to using needles as weapons AND I found it cost more to buy the supplies to MAKE all those crafts, not to mention the hours doing it, and then as soon as you start doing needlework all these strange older religious women seem to gather around you and offer you egg salad sandwiches.

dww3

I was kicked out of the needlepoint community and told to try pottery ....


SKIN:  [Hush] Skins - Marin Natural Honey
HAIR:  *Action Womens Hair Alice.2
EYES:  !IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Caribbean Blue
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
JEWELLERY:  Elemental Vintage
DRESS:  {bilo} Salma - Blue
SHOES:  Similar Shoes Sargento Black Shoes **
POSES:  LA

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Hush Skins Grace.

Hush Skins Grace


I always thought that parents who named their kids Grace were just trying to big note their kids.  You know how everyone says at dinnertime .... "Who will say Grace?"  And I imagined some girl sitting their with ringlets and a big bow ala Nellie Olsen on Little House on the Prairie, looking soooo smug .... and some poor little straight brown haired girl without any bows, crying into her salad because her name is never called out for meals.  How fair is that?

I think parents use names like that to gain advantages for their kids.  It is like those damn Wise boys - like THEIR parents didn't plan to have 3 boys and gain a monopoly over the Wise Men roles for the next decade. 

There is so much more to think about these days though ... like someone really should name their kid "Nobody" so that when they click on the "Like" buttons we now live and die by ... it says "Nobody likes this." 


Hush Skins.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The War on Terror.

gim2

I worked somewhere that was haunted once. I am not going to say where it was because it is ... seriously haunted .... and it is still in operation and I doubt anyone wants a bunch of people showing up demanding to see the ghosts ... (except maybe the ghosts ...)

gim1

They told me it was haunted when I started workig there and I didn't believe them at first and thought people were playing tricks .... and then I figured that my hair was standing up on the back of my neck only because subconsciously they had gotten to me .... BUT when someone starts walking towards you in the dark and you realize that no-one like that came into the place and you look and as they keep coming closer you realize they are not real and they seem intent on coming right up to you ... I don't know ... probably to kill you or something.... well that is when you sort of stop trying to be logical about it and just scream and run .....

giM3

I was wearing a long tight dress and heels and I still managed to leap over a counter that came to my chest and lay on the floor hanging on to the leg of one of the other employees and crying for my mommy.  

She was a no show. 

She did that to me quite often.

It was not my proudest moment. I learned to not complain about the living staff because cattiness I can handle ... someone wanting to possess you is a little stifling and frankly ... they never covered that in my "life skills" class.

That is why I have started to campaign that they include "death skills" in all life skill classes across the country so that no other kid ever has to be traumatized by being unprepared to work with ghosts. I intend to blame first the parents for not preparing their kids properly, and then blame the schools for not teaching it and then insist the government form some kind of committee to study the problem and enact laws that force all children to have to attend some form of ghost prep class before they can graduate.  This is real terror that we should be declaring war on.


SKIN:  Victoria Endsleigh Couture
HAIR:  Alli&Ali Designs Kandy
EYES:  ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Caribbean Blue
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
JEWELLERY:  ByKay* ~ Prim Almighty
DRESS:  Victoria Endsleigh Couture ChocolateTruffle
SHOES:  BM Ultimate Sirena Leather
POSES:  MiaMai

 
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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Clarifying my Exercise Policy.

LLIW1

I didn't want anyone to think I was against exercise after my last post.

LLIW4

I believe in all that stuff about needing to get our bodies moving.

LLIW3

I just have never understood why I have to go with it ... I am perfectly willing to send it with all those exercise buffs .... just as long as they have it back in time for supper.


SKIN: .:Twilythula:. PaNina/Medium
HAIR: Vanity Hair::Shena HP- blacks
EYES:  !IKON  'Sunrise' Eyes - Gaelic Silver Pale
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
EARRINGS:  Donna Flora ADELE coral set
DRESS: Dashwood - " Riley" Spring Grp Gift
SHOES:  ~*ZHAO*~ - Steelettos - Champagne
LOCATION:  Mad Pea
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Monday, May 14, 2012

Everything is Better with Bling.

dbb1

I pay attention to the things the "experts" tell you and what they show on television. I mean just because you live in beansville is no reason you can't have a rich and glamourous life. They tell us that we should live glamourous lives and add "bling" to everything.

dbb2

So I tinfoiled and bedazzled my exercise ball. I figured it would be like working out with a disco ball and that if I pursed my lips enough and worked my ANTM model poses ... I was surely going to catch the attention of the hot new trainer.


Just a couple of words of caution though.


Rolling on tinfoil is painful and gets in your teeth.


AND evidently exercise balls are not for throwing ... not even when you really hate that blonde skinny girl who keeps flipping her pony tail and batting her eyes at YOUR hot new trainer. If you want to do serious damage you need to take the time to tinfoil and bedazzle the medicine ball because you are allowed to throw that and it is heavier and it can cause silicone to explode on impact.

dbb3a

I am embroidering my phone number on my ass for tomorrow's class ... yoga ...I just need to get the tinfoil to stick first ...

SKIN: ::DS:: Fashioncentric Gift ~
HAIR: W&Y MODEL HAIR
EYES: ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Azure Light
LASHES: E'Dior Beauty- eyelash 06
NAILS: MoonDance: Square Medium Black Valentine
JEWELLERY: Ganked Nightdance
OUTFIT: *Stars*Fashion* Lovingly Black *
DISCO BALL AND POSES: Glitterati



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Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day and Other Fairy Stories.

mdlf1

Love Love Love days where we step back into childhood and suspend our disbelief and play make believe games where everyone is in on the pretence ... well except maybe for Hallmark. I think those people have to be in some denial to be able to do what they do ....with a straight face ....

mdlf2

Mother's Day is one of those days for me.

That is where everyone in the family contributes to making sure their mother smells and looks like a mom for at least the duration of the church service. They take her out from where they keep her hidden all the other days of the year and perfume her up, maybe even spa her out a bit, put a suitably motherly type dress on her, and present her to the world. Someone hands her some flowers, she eats burnt toast and drinks her luke warm tea in her bed and pronounces it all wonderful.

And then in a really cruel twist of fate we tend to give her bath soaps and sets and lotions and foams .... taunting her, reminding her that she has not bathed in privacy without someone trying to climb into the tub with her or throwing little metal cars and action heroes at her for years ... and that she is not going to have the opportunity to bathe alone again until she is probably so old that she will either have to have a nurse in there with her or she will be wheeled into a shower.

mdlf3

And on that magical day she gathers the macaroni depictions of her, and the handprint pics which thankfully blend right into the print of the dress because they are never coming out, and she sighs .... it will probably take her most of the week to clean up the mess everyone made giving her a "day off."


SKIN:  AKERUKA Blanca skin Medium MK13
HAIR:  ^;^CaTwA^;^ Amylee HairStyle/Dark Browns
EYES:  ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Clover Green Pale
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Pure*
JEWELLERY:  Addiction Sweet Romance Set
DRESS:  LMD June MESH Dress Mother's Day VIP
SHOES:  BM Audrey Pumps - Pinks & Purples
POSES:  Cheerno Motion

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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Waterfalls.

btbb2

I love it when people put waterfalls in their yards.   I really love waterfalls.

btbb4

I really like it when you see men get out there and plot and plan and create and build this awesome super duper waterfall because I think when some men get to a certain age, they begin to lower their expectations for being the super sports star, the president of a multi billion dollar company, or the man with the hot car and the young honey on their arm. They turn their hand to being the biggest or the best or the first in anything they can dream up in the art of "yard wars."

So when one neighbour put out a quiet little waterfall nestled in their garden for their own quiet enjoyment, the other neighbour had the super trucks deliver 800 tons of rocks and the industrial crane to move them into position and he built himself one hell of a waterfall in his front yard. I was afraid he was going to fall over he was peacock strutting so diligently around his yard .... and then he invited his friends over, and he threw the switch and the waterfall began .....

btbb1

and it leaked ....everywhere ....

It is hard to move 800 tons of rock to get to the leak you know and so 5 years later there is a pile of rocks in his front yard and I am really impressed that the other men in the neighbourhood were able to restrain themselves and not try for 900 tons of rocks for their front yard.

There is SOME evidence of evolution taking place before our very noses after all  ....

SKIN:  .::WoW Skins::. Eva complete avatar
HAIR:  *booN DES423 hair black
EYES:  ! IKON 'Sunrise' Eyes - Gaelic Silver Pale
LASHES:  *ByKay* ~ Eyelashes ~ *Flair*
JEWELLERY:  Addiction Circle Medallion Drop Set
BRACELET:  [} Jasha {] Tahta Bracelet II - Platinum
DRESS:  Paris Metro Couture: Warm Paisley Kisses Cocktail  (c/m)
SHOES: " MAAI " - " Supergirl " plastic pumps, pink
LOCATION:  Patron Gallery & Emporium
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Friday, May 11, 2012

You Look Just Like ...

bar1

Don't you hate it when someone pulls out the family album and points to some incredibly unattractive woman with a frown and a moustache and says "I can't believe how much you look like Aunt Tilda?"

  bar2

Like who wants to pin a picture of some woman wearing 83 materials - all some derivative of gray on your fridge as the "future you?" Like don't people consider how depressing that is? If there ever was a time that people should lie to you ... that is surely it.

I also hate the "you have Grandma Anderson's thighs" .... who shares their thighs? And how come the only thighs that get shared are the really ugly ones?

I suppose it could be worse ....

bar3

They could say you are a dead ringer for Uncle Hebert. Except of course, MY Uncle Hebert was prettier than Aunt Tilda, hands down.


SKIN:  :Filthy: Melody Deep Tan 05
HAIR:  ""D!va"" Hair "Chika" (Citrine)
EYES:  IKON Utopia Eyes - Pale Forest Green
LASHES:  LELUTKA Photoshoot 2
OUTFIT:  Alexandre-ROSES BLACK
SHOES:  ...:::Beautiful Dirty Rich:::... Attraction (Black)
POSES:   Dare (Closed)

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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Turtles, Chocolate, Burglars, Alcohol and War (Not necessarily in that order)

gtb1

I loved chocolate turtles when I was a kid. I feel sorry for kids in Australia. YES, these two thoughts are related ... sort of ... well they were when I first wrote that ... not as confident about it now...

gtb2

Kids in Canada have a lot more options ... like you can hide food in your room and never get caught. Kids here in Australia try to hide chocolates and they will have chocolate soup in mere moments. OR you have a massive infestation of bugs .... oh and not just one kind ... LOTS of bugs like chocolate. For them it is like a day at the chocolate beach .... flowing chocolate .... there may be sex involved but I never got that close to figure it out. Some things we all should be protected from - damn you National Geographic.

In Canada you can hang a bottle of alcohol out your bedroom window (saw it in a movie) and keep it both cold and hidden. Don't worry about someone trying to climb up and steal it because Canadians have weapons of mass destruction that we have used for years. If a burglar is trying to break in, you just throw water on them (Can't hose them because the hoses are all frozen) but just a bucket of water works and instant ice sculpture ......frozen in time.

Just don't try to kick the guy then cause you will hurt your foot.

Then we have nice warm jails with lovely lavender baths and someone to tuck them in and sing to them once they thaw. We rehabilitate all our criminals ... lots of tender love that they did not get as a kid and if that doesn't work ... we like to let them out and have another go ... at maiming and killing ... just so we can love them some more when they come back to jail.

gtb3

So ya ... if we can get anyone interested in attacking us during the winter we can easily defend ourselves, our alcohol and our turtles.

We are really humanitarian like that - us Canadians.

Yes ... in answer to your question ... ALL of this ran through my head just from the picture of the turtle ... and too much melted chocolate and warm alcohol ... I live in Australia now ...and here we just skip the throwing water and get right into the kicking when someone tries to break in.

I am going now ... feel free to hang around and pet the turtles if you like ...

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