Monday, January 31, 2011
You know there is no need to go without fun just cause the economy has taken a turn for the worse ...
One of the things my kids really enjoyed was face painting. I mean I know my kids complain sometimes now .. they think they are too old now they are married with their own kids but I never listen to them any other time so I ignore them. Face Painting can be expensive .... who can afford all that clown make-up etc now with money being so tight .. so ...
I like to pile the family into the car and head right down Neiman Marcus and to the make-up department where they have lots of testers for you to try out for FREE!!! I really like the MAC counter cause they have some of the brightest colour choices. I just sit the kids down and do their little faces right there!! OH and take a little baggy cause they frequently put out free coffee beans near the perfume - who says the beauty industry does not have a heart??
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Whoa ..more evidence that my neighbours are vampires .. they were out walking this morning, and from my vantage point in the bushes I could see .. they were NOT casting any shadow!! It's true. So I followed them and even though I was underneath a car, up in a tree, and behind the garbage cans .. I could see clearly ...not a single shadow.
I figured .. you know .. you can't just go on one time so the next time they were out for a walk .. I followed them again (but this time I had a steak and some garlic ... I was not sure what to do with them but all I know is - they protect you from vampires .. maybe if they attack you invite them to a barbeque or something, I don't know ...) and guess what???? .. THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED!!
So I ran home to tell my hubby .. so proud of myself that I had not just run to him after the first time and he could like be Mr. Dismissive and all ... I hate it when he tries to be all reasonable and shit and ruins my hysteria ... it is such a downer. I told him and he was like ... "You do know that there are not always shadows to be seen right?"
"Oh ya .. like tell me one time when it is non vampirical to NOT have a shadow?"
"I can give you two."
"Of course you can..."
"When it is cloudy, like it was this morning, and when it is night time like it is now."
I looked at him, and out the door at the neighbours. He might not see it but I could see through their brighly coloured shorts and tops, their feeble attempts to blend in, their knowing to only walk when they had a reasonable explanation for no shadow ....and I turned to my husband and said ...
"Get naked, I need to check you for vampire tracks ..."
SKIN: AL Vulo!
SHOES: NX Nardcotix
SUIT: UK Couture
Friday, January 28, 2011
There are some things I really feel that my grandparents should have clarified when I was growing up. Did you know that rules that make perfect sense regarding other people's belongings do not apply to people? Well I didn't. I was either asleep during that lesson or so busy trying to get up a team for baseball at recess that I missed it. Hence I have had to learn by the trial and error method which usually means try it once and while everyone is gasping for air trying to recover from their horror of, " you have done what??????" it sinks in that there is a high probability you have just erred. Usually the punishment that ensues helps to reinforce the lesson.
Like you can borrow a book, not a husband.
You can share a toy, not a husband.
You can borrow a bowl to use at a wedding and when you return it all nicely washed and clean .. people are stoked. Try returning the antique wedding gown all washed … ok so it was a bit smaller than before but someone in the family could have a little person and think how happy they will be to have a family heirloom to wear??
You can break something and when you return it and say … "I am so sorry, I broke this," most people, while disappointed that it happened, are really impressed with your forthright honesty and willingness to accept responsibility. Accidents happen. However when you try to return a cousin with an arm more resembling a noodle, with about 3 bends between the elbow and the wrist and say …"Sorry, I broke this…" people go apeshit. Like maybe they should have bought a more durable model or at least not let this one out to play.
So ya .. Those are my notes on the subject, if you missed the class, you can copy them .. This stuff evidently comes up at all the family get togethers for the rest of your life so study hard.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The other day I was standing in a crowd of people when a woman, probably not any older than I am, just dropped. It was really scary. Thank heavens paramedics were there and she soon recovered and went on her way but it made me think .. What if that was actually me who dropped and I was dead and just in denial?
I mean it is possible right? They make movies about this kind of thing all the time … you know, the ones where you are eating your popcorn and everything seems interesting and suddenly nothing makes sense and the man in the row in front of you keeps asking "What happened?" or saying, "I don't understand." and the darkness of the theatre sucks his words and throws them into space where there is a better chance of aliens hearing them and getting back to him than anyone else in the theatre .. not just because we are all rude but because while we hate him for speaking, all of us are screaming the exact same question in our own heads.
Except that confusion tends to be better felt when everyone else is quiet and you can just totally bathe in the waters of confusion .. like get naked, wade in and put your head under. People speaking just interrupts that.
But those movies ....and then the story goes on and you don't pee - cause you are a woman and you can hold it - and your hand is sore from holding that kernel of popcorn for so long between the bucket and your mouth and suddenly everyone realizes - the person is actually dead .. and FINALLY everything makes sense - except to the person who is dead and doesn't know it on account of the way movies work .. she is always the last to know.
I mean if you could be wrong about being dead .. you might also forget that you were in a movie right? And so that is what I was really scared of, so when I came home and was in the car and so quiet, hubby asked what was wrong …
"ok, I have to ask you something, and you have to promise, no matter how hard, you will tell me the truth k?"
Am I really Angelina Jolie?
I waited for him to drive back up out of the ditch.
"I mean I look at you and say .. No way you are Brad Pitt and we obviously have sent the children out with the maid, but then I think, wait if I don't even know I am Angie .. I might not know that you are Brad either and then of course I would not know I am dead."
He struggled for words .. And then … with all the calm and reassurance and love of a man who knows his mind, who knows the world, who knows how to take care of a woman …. he patted my hand and said.
"You are not dead."
I let a tear slide down my face. As we made lunch I felt like life was good and the day was full of miracles … in fact, as I played with my cheese sandwich I could have sworn I saw the face of Jesus in the little bits of cheese and bread and I would have taken a picture to send into the Vatican but I was too hungry. Finding out you are not dead makes you incredibly hungry.
Life has so many possibilities … like maybe I am not dead .. but I could still be Angelina Jolie.
SKIN: AL Vulo!
EARRINGS: Hair & Hair
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I Like to wait until everyone else puts in their resolutions, and has a chance to already fail, so that when I finally give up on mine .. it looks like I tried harder ...
So without further adieu (and I would so "do" more "dieu" if I had any idea what the hell that means ...)
My goals for this year are.....
I am not going to be afraid to come out … I am standing in my front yard right now as I type this .. I found an old cigarette box strap and I am wearing my lap top. It feels so good. My neighbour walking by shouted "what the hell are you doing on your lawn naked with that lap top?" and I said "I came out." He ran. I felt so free ... although running after him and typing at the same time will take some time to get used to ...
I am going to try really hard this year not to stab anyone. My compulsion to stab stupidity is really born out of a good place .. I truly want to help make the world better BUT I recognize there might be a better way. I will pray someone will reveal that to me and for the time being ... I have hidden the knives in my purse.
I will make a concentrated effort to accumulate more than 3 friends on my friends list, even if I have to create alts of myself to do it.
I am going to be more patient and just await the joy that everyone talks about it .. If she ever does show up .. I promise not to stab her.
I am going to try and make up my own mind more and stop relying on the relationship calculator to determine my relationships. I will give mom and dad one more try.
I will accept that it is true I might have a demon and I will try to drink more milk.
I am going to try and recognize that I may be part of the problem with the situation with the neighbours and to that end, I am going to try and stop hiding in the bushes and jumping out and trying to hug them whenever they walk by. If I can't do that I will at least make sure that my breath is minty fresh.
I am going to let my children know that I have boundaries and they cannot just push me around anymore. Visiting days are only on Sundays and only a security guard is allowed to wheel me into the garden.
I will try to eat more healthy foods, grass and bark is evidently not enough for some people so I will start on dirt.
I promise to curse less. I am not f***ing stopping altogether .. But less …
I am going to stop being careful what I wish for and just admit that I really do want a proper Canadian steak sandwich and that beet root in any sandwich is just wrong - add egg and pineapple and there really are exceptions to the stabbing rule ...
HAIR: Analog Dog
BOOTS: Bax Coen
Monday, January 24, 2011
Now that the teens are here on the grid I am frankly relieved. RL role play here in SL which frankly confuses me and scares me just a little - but then if you think about it - practice here first and then do it right in RL … just went up a notch.
Now you can transition from baby to child to teenager and you and your partner can work your way through the teen years - winners are designated when you survive and put your teen on a plane to summer in Europe and then enroll in University in the fall. You get to deal with attitude, broken curfews, the sex talk, drinking, drugs, rehab, court, trashed furniture, damaged and misplaced automobiles and being made to feel both redundant and useless all in one breath. Breathe in - breathe out .. there you go .. you are useless.
We can have std clinics, rehab, youth court, high school complete with sex ed classes, …. All those fun fun fun things that come with your very own teen. We can blame everything on them. We can curse them, trash our marriages because of them, and hold huge ass conferences where we basically hold one another and cry because there are just no words left to describe what we are feeling dealing with our teens.
We can lower the standards all the way around … now when you are tempted to say to the 50 year old person who is behaving like a jerkwad … "what are we here, in high school? Grow up!" You can't, because they just may be.
more pictures here
I am frankly relieved here , as I said, because doing all of this on my own was exhausting and I am not even sure how many hormones I have left …
Oh wait .. All that youth changes the age curve .. Damn them … they better not be standing next to me in the Truth Hair check-out Line …. I hate it when people make me look old ….
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I am so stoked .. I just got an email entitled "Dear God's Select," I mean my great great bla bla a bunch more greats great Aunt told me I was going to hell. Hello … God selected ME! I have an email saying so and hotmail assures me they filter all junk … this one is definitely legit.
I probably won't be allowed to hang out with some of you anymore on account of God is pretty strict and I am not sure who we are playing in the big game tomorrow but I have been drafted!! I am framing this and that way, when I leave this mortal coil, if I accidentally end up in hell because my Great great see above great Aunt paid some angels off … I will show them my ticket. I have been selected … na na na boo boo.
STOP!! HOLD THE PRESSES!!!
Further evidence that I am now God's annointed just in .. … Jezus is following me on twitter. Paisley tried to say, "Oh please, he is following me too .. That is Jezus with a "z" not Jesus you know…"
"I don't care what you say. I am not going to let you ruin this for me. It is perfectly understandable that Jesus wants to jazz things up a bit. I mean lots of rock stars do that with their names. Look at Prince - or whoever or whatever he calls himself now …
"Are you suggesting Jesus is a rock star ??
"Well no, but he could be ..."
So I just mean to tell you if you see some big changes next time God talks to you … you can thank me and my influence.
You blog and they will come ….
SKIN: Glam Affair
LASHES: The Abyss
FLOWER: Burning Chrome
DRESS: Elsie & Seshil
POSES: Striking Poses
We had triplets that came to our school for like half a year. On the prairies that is like almost as good as the circus coming to town or one of the farmers having a two headed calf. Any of those above events are reason to have a "social" where you bring food and discuss life ... as it relates to these strange phenomenomenonemon .....
I was frankly disappointed because I felt that had the mother concentrated a little more she might have had quads .. and while triplets were ok .. .quads would have been outstanding.
I set up a little lemonade stand at recess and charged people a buck for a cool lemonade and a look. They would pay their money and then I would point them towards the sidewalk where the three girls were skipping. People complained a lot. Things like ... "I could have seen them there by myself, why did I have to pay you? I always tried to guess for them, "Not sure .. I guess you are just really stupid?" And then they would go ... "this is just water .. it isn't lemonade ..." and I would say ... "ya, the prairie does that to you .. sucks the taste buds right outta your mouth .. " Then they would want their money back and I would quote the SSTT rule of retail. "You Saw, you Swallowed, Tough Titties."
The twins moved away after about 6 months. We had weeks of "special classes" on acceptance and how profiteering off others is not kind. They gave us all little handbooks and special buttons to wear that said "Celebrate our Differences." I learned so much and really felt ashamed at what I had done .. not enough to return the new baseball bat and glove I managed to buy with the earnings, but before every game I looked at them and said a special prayer for the triplets. It taught me a valuable lesson and so at the next two headed calf strawberry social I did a little play on how the mother of the calf feels every time the farmers point at her two headed calf. Cows have feelings too.
They said I ruined the social, was banned from coming to anymore and then they fired up the barbeque. On the prairies ... when people are at a loss for words .. they roast weinies.
SKIN: YS & YS
MAKE-UP: YS & YS
SHOES: S0phie's Choice
Friday, January 21, 2011
Nothing says freedom like those magical nights where it has just stopped raining and the streets are all shiny and wet, the air is warm with the magic of a wonderful night with the man you adore...
You look like a million dollars, perfect dress, perfect hair, perfect shoes ... there is music playing in your head, the kind that makes people weep during the movie ... and you just have to stand under the street lights and dance with the light as it shimmers across the road ...
And as soon as I pick the cane toads out of my teeth I am going to make myself a lovely cup of hot chocolate ....
SKIN: Al Vulo!
HAIR: Modern Gypsy
DRESS AND SHOES: S0phies Choice Designs
EARRINGS: Donna Flora
POSES: Del May Poses
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Imaginary friends have always been part of our family. My brother was this guy Anthony's imaginary friend for years and we finally had to tell my brother he could come out from under the bed when Anthony was over ... we could see his foot sticking out .. which technically meant he was not qualified to be imaginary. I told him he sucked at being invisible and he should probably just move far away to save the family the profound shame we all felt now that he had failed.
My daughter struggled to let go of her imaginary friend ...
"Why can't I have an imaginary friend?"
"Because they are not real and children need to play with real children in their own neighbourhoods. At 21 you need to let go, seriously.... you have to let go."
"She's real to me."
"Yes, but when she plays first base for your baseball team, have you noticed she always misses the ball? You don't need friends like that ...."
"So, because she sucks at baseball, you think I should kick her to the curb? What kind of mom are you? Ha, if there is someone in this relationship who needs to get "real" that would be you ... MOM ....Do I ever say a word when you talk about Paisley Paisley Paisley? Do I? There is no Paisley. There is no Bliss. Grandma says you are whacked you know."
That is a really tough talk to have with your child but in the end we sorted it all out. I showed her pictures of Grandma at her last bridge club meeting when she had too much sherry, my daughters baseball team continues to lose, and Paisley and I are having lunch.
I really do adore happy endings.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Ok so this year I decided that I need to be kinder to my brother. Except … that I cannot stand my brother. He is the reason that I missed out on the first 15 minutes of Love Story at the drive in on account of he left me locked in the trunk so he could play baseball with his new girlfriend when he knew darn well Aardvark and Humpydora (the grandparents) were counting on me and my profound ability to tattle, to make sure that the rumours they had heard about Drive-ins was just an unfortunate misunderstanding.
It wasn't and I am pretty sure they knew it .. I mean when they used to get in their wagons and drive out to the evening puppet shows down behind the cow shed …. they themselves were participating in recreational kissing … so believe me they knew. The dilemma for them was .. hand us both over to Satan OR a quiet evening at home without us. Quiet always won. I don't think my Grandfather was that afraid of Satan on account of he was a firm believer in being able to beat his children into accepting Jesus as their personal Savior. He didn't need Satan.
So ya .. The big decision. I am going to be kinder to my brother. Unfortunately he is still lost in the mountains somewhere … I can't remember where I buried him.
If anyone knows where I can get a new brother. I am taking applications now. I promise I will be nice to them. Oh and I need references. I have had one guy apply all ready and he was such a baby about having the monitor strapped to his leg with duct tape that I should have known. He managed to gnaw it off his leg and run away after only 24 hours ….
SKIN: YS & YS
MAKE-UP: YS & YS
HAIR: HOH - Closed
LEGGINGS: SE Designz
SHOES: Pixel Mode
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I love to watch the dresses on the red carpets and see the innuendo and scathing and lustful looks thrown around. I love betting on which is going to wear out first .. the vaseline on their teeth or their newly implanted cheekies, as the light bulbs flash flash flash. I love dripping oozing suck upping and the faces of the losers trying to be happy as they fumble with their purses on their laps, out of camera range, for the good drugs and a knife .. whichever they happen to find first.
I actually had a red carpet moment of my own .... wherein I suddenly appeared in the light of the door way and people looked up at me and gasped and everyone wanted to know what I was wearing. It happened the last time my mother in law was here and she screamed out ... WHO THE HELL DRESSES YOU??? SEQUINED JAMIES WITH FEET? SON .. PUT HER BACK IN HER ROOM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ....
My hubby asked me later, "What were you thinking? You know mom has a sensitive stomach?"
"Three words babe, Helena Bonham Carter."
SKIN: Candy Doll
LASHES: The Abyss
DRESS: Gallery Fumiwo
Monday, January 17, 2011
I still find it amusing that names conjour up ideas of what a person should look like. I think that whole "numerology-vibrational-sun is in the seventh house of Witchita" thing may have something to it. The universe pulls the molecules together to create a "Megan" and seriously ... I don't know about you but all "Megan's" look the same to me .. I just cannot tell them apart. So you have to think about these things and really consider if you WANT your child to be named after someone in the family. Take a really good look at Grandma and ask yourself if you really want your "cute as a button," baby to have purple tinted hair, that big mole, and hair chins ....
I mean Grandma can pull it off ... not so sure about a kid in kindergarten.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
You know how your grandparents always say things like "In our day (insert something here about how they did everything perfectly - except those couple of wars, the depression, filling our teeth with mercury, asbestos and eating eggs and cheese constantly, which they dismiss 'cause they were not their fault)…" or "you, young people (insert something bad that is all our fault here …. EVERYTHING starting with cave kids and their inability to pick up the bones in their bedrooms)."
Well you know what, our grandparents were like incredibly wasteful. They would take a perfectly good ripped shirt or dress and cut out pieces and sew them on a perfectly good pair of ripped jeans. THEY limited the clothing selection of an entire generation .. not to mention made them look ridiculously similar to a scarecrow … only the scarecrow was allowed to stay out all hours of the night and embrace the darkness and we had to be in bed on school nights by 8:30 while some lame wind-up toy lullabyed us into a coma.
They also took holey socks and darned them ….I refused to wear them .. It was my own mini revolt and as I stood on the table lecturing my grandparents and their gathered group of homeboy seniors about blasphemy and how "darn" was just another way of saying "damn" and they were in effect saying they "damned socks," and who are they to judge a sock that is holey for crying out loud (at 3 you can miss the little letters like "e" and completely fail to understand the significance). I could only envision the angels weeping in heaven as seniors roamed the earth willy nilly "damning" religious socks.
I felt so empowered, so full of life .. .I was speaking up for inanimate objects that simply had no voice. I was doing God's work right in my own little farm house on the prairie. I could feel my butt cheeks beginning to warm as the sunshine began to peek out ….
I got to speak WITH another inanimate object a little later … called Mr. Belt - and while his name was frequently concerted with the words "holy hell" as in, "Grandpa's coming with Mr. Belt … Holy Hell! Run, run .. Run for your lives!" there is nothing "holy" about Mr. Belt. So ya, spoke with him, and I sort of forgot about heavens weeping angles on account of I was weeping on earth for awhile. My butt was definitely very warm and it had nothing to do with sunshine. It made it a little difficult to concentrate as I sat in the corner with my patched jeans and darned socks ..
You win some .. you lose some ...
COAT: Spirit Store
JEANS AND BELT: SD Wears
Saturday, January 15, 2011
[10:13 PM] Bliss Windlow: ya ..... I am so over fairies
[10:13 PM] Bliss Windlow: they cheated me out of my childhood
[10:14 PM] Elusyve Jewell: especially that bitch the tooth fairy
[10:14 PM] Bliss Windlow: omg yes!!! Had it not been for her I would have been into drugs so much earlier and having a good time ... Instead my parents were like no no it doesn't hurt at all think about the money the tooth fairy will leave you ... ya like pffft 25 cents takes you soo far in this life. Thanks mom.
[10:15 PM] Elusyve Jewell: yup yup.. instead of being a toothess farm girl
[10:15 PM] Bliss Windlow: so true so true ....
[10:15 PM] Bliss Windlow: sigh .... sometimes I get so nostalgic for all that I lost ...
[10:16 PM] Bliss Windlow: I still find myself wandering the prairies sometimes looking for my teeth
[10:16 PM] Bliss Windlow: but with soil erosion and alll .. they could be anywhere
[10:16 PM] Elusyve Jewell: kinda like ..who has seen the wind... but rather.. who has seen my teeth...
[10:17 PM] Bliss Windlow: yes ...... or gone with the topsoil
[10:17 PM] Elusyve Jewell: oi oi
[10:17 PM] Bliss Windlow: I will have to blog all this you know ...
It's true .. there are all kinds of bodies and things disposed of across the prairies amongst the corn and the wheat .... it is a wasteland for all mans inhumanity to man ....
I am basing this on the fact I found my missing Barbie doll head one summer and an arm the next .. both in a wheat field in the back 40. I know my brother did it. Good thing I made sure his GI-Joes NEVER see the light of day again.
I guess to be completely factual .. this would be "woman's inhumanity to man."
SKIN: Al Vulo!
TOP: DK Designs
SHORTS: DK Designs
Friday, January 14, 2011
I went to get my hair done when we were on holidays and my hubby was like .. Just pick one, any one, I can't drive round the street for hours you know … look there is one now "Betty's Glamour House."
ARE you freaking kidding me??? Do you want me to die?
What?? How could you die getting your hair done?
"OMG do you live under a rock or something … GLAMOUR .. GLAMMMMMOUR ….hello Vampires???? Do you even love me at all?
"Can I have a few moments to think about that one?"
"Sure I go in there and they MAYBE even bother doing my hair, my nails whatever, but then they will probably like drink my blood and then glamour me to make me forget it happened and I probably will even hate the hair do and they will make me think it looks ok and like you will be no help because no matter what you just go .. "ya that looks great babe," .... do you have any idea how much I hate that??? How lousy it makes me feel? And in this case I could be wandering the streets feeling faint from the lack of blood with a really bad hair do and not even knowing what was happening. I CANNOT FREAKING believe you sometimes …"
"Ok look look .. I am soooo sorry. I don't know what I was thinking … I promise to never say I like your hair again. I obviously do not know Betty like you do, I mean I had no idea she was a vampire .. .. Please quit screaming and come in off the roof of the car before you fall …. look I am pulling over, … let go Bliss, let me just pry your fingers here …. look no "glamour salon" .. we are not even near it … if anyone named Betty even thinks of looking at you I have a stake right in the glove box ready … PULLLEAASE get back into the car…"
Well .. we finally found a decent place … "Mabels Hair Cuttery .. You grow 'em, we mow 'em, " and I was able to get my hair done without any "glamouring" going on. Men, I don't know .. they just do not understand how hypervigilant we women have to be these days .. everyone wants us.
My hubby picked me up, obviously very ashamed of himself. He handed me the stake to hold and was very intent on his driving. He took me to a nice quiet place in the country and drove me straight up the driveway of a lovely old church like building. Then it gets kind of foggy for me. There was screaming and doors slamming and the car roof again and a crowd in white nighties with their butt cheeks flapping in the breeze chanting "jump jump jump" and some really large people in crisp white uniforms. I think my hubby was trying to tell me something but I could barely hear him on account of some 300 lb nurse guy named Marv had me in a headlock and was pulling me from the car but I think my hubby said something like once they get me admitted and hosed down, we will have a nice long talk about appropriate television watching.
SKIN: Fhang Candy
HAIR: JE Republic
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The two things you never leave home without? Ah yes .. that would be your "Stud Finder" and "Depth Gauge."
Just move your lipstick and mace to one side and plop these two puppies in your purse. Find a guy point stud finder .. check reading. If high enough move in .. begin speaking. Point depth gauge, check reading.
Move on or move in for kill. Forget dating sights. Men lie. Computers make mistakes. You can't get your money back.
SKIN: Fhang Candy
JEWELLERY: Virtual Impressions
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I am not sure where I lost my innocence cause I know I had it with me when I left for the prom ....
Did you even know that insurance does not cover that kind of thing? And forget about trying to replace it ... it's never really the same. I tried like putting butter in my mouth ... damn stuff melted all over the place and ruined my sparkle fairy outfit.
So that is why I love SL ... when the time comes and you can no longer fake innocence... there are designers who make skins .. and you get a little magic back in your life for a few hours.
Who couldn't use a little more magic these days?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I don't hate men. I don't think they are responsible for all that is wrong with the world ..although they definitely helped ....
Men can be great. Men are great.
I love men and I firmly believe with a little care and attention and some strong rules as solid parameters around behaviour … anyone can own one and enjoy years of pleasure and fun.
LASHES: The Abyss
DRESS: The Secret Store
JEWELLERY AND NAILS: ByKay
SHOES: Baby Monkey