Sunday, November 1, 2015

Red, Red WHINE.

so ready 1

Red is supposed to be all about passion and sex which begs the question what is really happening when those dudes put on leotards, a funky hat, and wave a red cape at a bull that is steaming mad.

These are questions that I think of but I am not supposed to ask out loud.  Hence I am typing with mittens and I have bubble wrapped my room.

The Great Escape

tunnel vision 1

My brother and I made several attempts to escape the farm before we finally succeeded - me having worn out the ill equipped teachers at the little school on the prairie resulting in a town meeting, a huge collection of money and stern threats if they did not ship me off to a better school where they could find new stuff to keep me entertained, and my brother . . . in the back of a police car.

Friday, October 23, 2015

In My Spare Time I Misbehave

lounge kitty 1

I like to go to the furniture places in SL and jump on the couches and the bed.  It is lots of fun.  When you try that stuff in Rl people get bent all out of shape.

I think it is because Rl limits us  in ways that SL does not.  First of all wearing evening gowns to furniture stores is frowned upon for a few reasons.  You make all the other women look like complete crap and it can ruin marriages.  One minute a couple are shopping for a new coffe table and the next he is trying to trade hid wife in on a new model.  Literally. 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

The Name Game

Long weekend 1

I always wonder about names.  Like, does the name you choose predetermine their destiny?  

I am pretty convinced it does. 

"Tiffany" works fashion or beauty.   "Bambi" is a stripper.  "Elizabeth" works in health care and "Olivia" is a lawyer.

I've never heard of a "Cheeves" or a "Jeeves" as a president or a doctor.  They always seem to be chauffers or butlers.  

Monday, October 19, 2015

Just Like Nature Except Not As Fluffy

waiting on the day 1

The weather is getting warmer and I love being outside, hanging with my favourite tree in my yard.   I love trees.  I think it is because they have been here forever and have seen so many things and I wonder about that.  They seem so wise and they listen so well. 

Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Art of Losing The Win.

I'll try again next year 1

Aren't our lives blessed by the internet and all the information it imparts?  What I like best is that you can take an idea and run with it.  Someone decides that you can crochet a skirt from old underwear and shows you how to.  You can take that, pick up some old sweat socks and jock straps and make lace to add as an embellishment.  You can see a picture made of beer bottle caps and decide you could also make a wedding dress from them  (and add the lace that you previously made).

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Plump Up The Volume

so quiet in the ruins 1

I am not sure about this one but I heard that there is a treatment they use in Bangkok to increase breast size and to reduce wrinkling etc.

Let me describe: Take hands, slap the crap out of face or breasts, repeat, repeat, repeat vigorously, stop, wait a few moments, good to go.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

My Bat Beats Your Bat, Hands Down

bats in the belfry 1

We have little bats in Canada . . . little teeny bats that could pass for slightly plump moths.

And that crap about them flying into long hair on purpose .. . Pulllease .... Bats are not blind.  In fact, once on a late night trip out by the haystacks to sneak a kiss with my boyfriend, a bat flew into his short hair and skipped mine completely.  Those are respectful bats.  Those are Canadian bats.  

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Getting Culturized


I did a craft class once where we made Oriental hair sticks for our hair.  They bought chop sticks  which many of the boys immediately sharpened into weapons.

It was a summer camp and we were being culturally stimulated.   Some kids were making Mexican pinatas and we were doing Oriental hair sticks.  Can I tell you how lucky we felt?  You might want to re-experience the excitement by leaping in the air and shouting "wooo haaaa."  It's part of the multi dimensional blog experience I offer by encouraging readers to recreate my most incredible moments.  Bliss .. the gift that keeps on giving.

Saturday, October 10, 2015


Cosmopolitan 3rd Anniversary Contest (1)

What you can't see off screen is the pinata, the ambulance, and the wounded bodies.

I tried to talk people out of having a pinata.  I warned them that I was incredibly competitive.  Why don't people listen to one another more?  I was using my outdoor voice and everything.

The really pretty lady announced that they were going to play games and I said, "Oh No, maybe we shouldn't.  Did you get the note from my mom warning that I don't play well with others, you should hide all weapons and anything that could be used as a weapon - please do not under estimate my genius when it comes to making weapons out of simple things like bananas and a block of tofu, and absolutely no games - I am incredibly competitive, consider all games, even bible charades,  as contact sports and frequently end my games only when the other people are injured, maimed, or dead."

I was still invited.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

The Beginning of a Fashion Dream

cloudless climes 3

I was big into hoop skirts as a kid.  I fondly referred to them as "skirt tents."  I say that because I want you to be impressed at my desire and ability to use real fashion terms even as a child.  You may not have heard of "skirt tents" yet, but you will .. they are sure to be a big thing ... soon ... keep watching...

My gateway drug was a nursery rhyme book with Mary hiding her lamb and several others under her "tent."  I figured 5 lambs equaled one cow and hey ... cows were currency on the farm.  I didn't have a corner store to hold up or diamonds hidden in a vault to pawn ... so cows it had to be.  If they had auctions for them there had to be a livestock pawn shop somewhere.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Life's Lessons


I tried to help keep my grandparent's illusions alive.  I think it is really cruel the way some kids just blurt out that most of the stuff parents teach you is crap.  We have some responsibility to be kind to our parents ... or at least to not do them any harm.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

I Am Not Dead Yet, But It Could Happen At Any Moment.


I think I ate a bug  . . and I might die.

I was home alone, calmly eating an apple.  I am allowed to do things like that alone ... at home .. . unattended .... on my own.   And I bit into the apple and took a big bite.  Then I chewed and chewed and swallowed and then the phone rang or something - I can't remember all the exact details because I am suffering with PTSD from the whole thing and my therapist said that I have probably blocked some of it to prevent myself from being triggered and losing it all over innocent people's heads.  

When I got back to my work and the half eaten apple lying on the desk, I almost died.  I had bitten through to the core and what was clearly a grotesque, rotten, slimy mess, black and orange and grossly grotesque, that had been created by some kind of bug/worm ... thing.  (I had to type and retype "thing" 473 times just now because my hands are shaking so bad from the memory)

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Look Up!


I don't think anyone has ever looked up at the clouds in the sky and seen me.

People see elephants and kittens and an old man.   No-one says, "Oh wow, doesn't that look like Bliss?  That beautiful cloud over there, the one that looks all amazing fashionista and stuff?"  Well at least if they have, no-one has told me they have.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Snapping Out Of It.

on the porch 3

I think I am basically out of control.

Can't concentrate, start a million things, finish none, can't focus ...

My inventory is all over the place, I am wayyy behind in all my blogging, I am behind in emails.

I am not eating, not really interested in doing anything.   I have made a tent fort in my office and I am kind of living in it.   I stay in my jammies some days . . . all day . . . 

But then it hit me.  Such an easy peasy solution! 

on the porch 2

I figure the best thing for me ... is to buy one of those collars.  You know the ones where you put them on and suddenly you just do whatever you are told to do?  I mean I could skip the whole headache I get when I wake up and try to remember the things I am supposed to do next.  I mean I could multi purpose use the collar right?  I don't HAVE to be naked and kneeling everywhere, I could use it to be the boss of Bliss and tell her to get busy right?   I could get her to just calm the heck down, brush her teeth and start shopping again.   

My real life hubby thought it was a great idea and suggested that he would be willing to help me catch the hang of how those things work by trying a real life one.  I pointed out there are no real life collars you put on where you can force a person to kneel naked, or to do weird positions, or fetch your beer,  but he said you could improvise with a nice choker and a cattle prod.

The gleam in his eye scared me a little . . . at first ... and then I kind of got excited.

And then, I completely forgot about Bliss and my inventory and all that stuff.

I am even further behind than I was before.

Who has time to even log on to the computer?

on the porch 1

Kneeling is a lot more fun then it may appear on your computer screen  through old Sunday School type glasses.

And I have calluses on my knees.

BODY:  DeeTaleZ Skin A.T.W. Kimber [Makeup] Mixedtype
HAIR:  Bens Hair  Style - Cyrista Hair
EYES:  Egozy..Eyes Illuminate Brown
LASHES:  Angel Rock Philisia
DRESS:  =Zenith=Bohemian tie a knot long skirt (Blue)
SWEATER:  DeeTaleZ Tops MESH cardigan snow
SHOES:  NX-Nardcotix MANA Vixie Nutmeg

Monday, September 28, 2015

Some Women Wear Dresses On The Football Field of Life.


We had a set of twins in our school who were a cross between dolls, nerds and little orphan Annie.  They were like a couple of older English ladies, sitting in front of the telly rugged up in sweaters and colourful stockings with their permed, just shy of frizzy, hair.

And they finished each other's sentences.

I liked them because they were oblivious to how weird everyone else thought they were.  And they were weird - when you consider all that means is that in comparison to the norm ... they were not that.

I sometimes opened a window on the school bus and stuck my head out, gasping for fresh air ... something ... anything . . .  different from the norm.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Don't Try This At Home.


Don't try to run away with a baby animal.

It may look cute in real life and everyone is going "aww" around the computer, but it sucks big time.

First of all they have no sense of the "are we there yet" part of travel, that helps to remind everyone that people need to stop and go to the bathroom.  Animals don't stop when they bathroom.  They can't tell you.  They don't hold on for 5 more minutes.  They just go. 

They don't understand "share" or   "make last."  They just understand "eat now," "eat it all," and "I am a fawn, I can kick you to death and hoof that donut right out of your mouth."

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Strangers and Other Diseases


My mother in law was really upset the other day. I overheard her talking to hubby. She was really upset about a certain woman that kept coming up to her in public places as if she knew her.  It had happened again that day.   Hubby was struggling understand why she was so upset.

" Don't you find it, I don't know,  unsettling maybe,  when someone comes up to you and talks and you have no idea who they are, but they act like they know you?  I don't want to be rude but it has happened so many times and I keep telling her that she has mistaken me for someone else, clearly."

Sunday, September 20, 2015

In The Attic of my Life.

in the attic 1

Nostalgia and heirlooms and antiques are not always what they seems.  Sometimes it is contrived.

A kid who falls in love with a vintage box and keeps their treasures in it can be considered an authentic case.  A kid forced to keep his grandmother's skull on his book case - probably contrived.  Lots of families force their emotional crap on one another.  Road Shows - those British Auction type things that are on television - where they tell people their ugly painting that Uncle Bernard gave them is now worth 500 pounds - promote the scam.   They always give the impression that anything ugly, so ugly that you hide it in the crawl space, if left long enough, becomes worth a whole bunch of money.  And then they pretend, despite not having a single tooth left in their mouth, the person bringing it will never sell because what is food broken down into swallowable bits so your body can process it and sustain your life, really mean anyway?  You have an ugly picture of an eggplant on a dish.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

She Just Looks Like A Plain Hulga

turblue 2

My brother insisted we play games of epic proportion.  He studied armies and battles like most other kids looked at comic books and sports.  He had distinct guideline blood oaths for game playing.  

Like the time we got caught in the creek, a couple of farms away, with the last of the jarred peaches, a bag of candy that was hidden behind the molasses and pearl barley in the tall cupboard over the fridge, a bunch of loose change that was kept in an old tin in the bottom drawer of Grandpa's desk, and a can of black olives.

I was wearing an old tin bucket with a piece of metal stabbed through it.  The Biffster was wearing a fur dress which he insisted was a cloak but looked more like a skirt around his neck.  He also had an an axe, a shield, and a sword that probably could kill ... with little effort ... like if you breathed heavily anywhere near it.  Realism was everything to him.